


Town of Salem Shorts

by MirTheOne



Category: Town of Salem (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, But fun, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Gay, Except a select few, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Stupidity on a daily basis in general, This Is STUPID, This is just what this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-07-29 14:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16266329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirTheOne/pseuds/MirTheOne
Summary: Plot-unrelated shorts, mostly from prompts or meme-inspired. Enjoy!





	1. An Unexpected Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt by DoctorDeath on Discord. Supposed to be nice and fluffy, but apparently I am absolutely incapable of doing so.

Earl wasn’t in a particularly good mood when he got home that night. Finding Joseph Vicario laid out on his couch petting his cat was not making it any better. Why he’s here was beyond Earl but more importantly, how the hell did he got in? He didn’t had time wondering though, since Joseph soon noticed his presence by the door.

“Oh hey, Doc.” Joseph waved at him, grinning from ear to ear. “The door was wide open, decided to drop by.”

That sentence opened a whole new can of worms. Earl was pretty sure he closed AND locked the door when he left this morning. Had Ellis dropped by and forgot to lock the door? No, his dearest couldn’t be that stupid, especially with their own secret to keep.

“Okay, get out.” Earl grabbed Vinny from his arms and ushered her away, earning a disappointed ‘awh’ from Joseph. Vinny hissed at him and ran towards the kitchen. Bad girl.

“That’s rude, Doc,” Joseph snidely remarked. 

Earl’s eyes narrowed at the sheer hypocrisy of that statement. This man entered his house without his permission and dared to say that he’s the rude one. Earl wanted to skin him alive, but he didn’t want another body within a couple days. That would draw too many attention.

“Get out, Vicario. Before I make you.”

Joseph grumbled and tried to stand up, but instead stumbled and relied on Earl to support his body weight. He muttered some apologies – whether for breaking in or for almost falling on Earl, he’s not so sure – and made his way out. Earl decided to take an eye off him and instead look around his living room to see what else had the young man ruin. 

The carpet hadn’t shift at all, , so he’s not higher on his shit list. But one of the drawers was open and bundles of yarn were all over the floor, probably used as toys for Vinny. He could always buy more though. There’s a knife stuck to the wall but when Earl pulled and inspected it, it’s not his. Which was both calming and worrisome.

That’s when he heard clanging from the kitchen.

Earl cursed and put the knife in his pocket. He ran towards the kitchen and hoped that it’s just Vinny messing with his pans and not another intruder. Especially not that nosy sheriff. Upon entering his kitchen though, Earl found that it’s both.

Joseph was on the floor around his scattered pans, laughing his face off. Next to him, a meow reverberated from an upside-down pot. Earl groaned and lifted the pot to reveal Vinny, who dashed away from the scene. Earl glared at Joseph, who’s laughing had calmed down a bit.

“Doc you should’ve seen her face when the pot fell on her,” Joseph said with tears on his eyes. “She was so shocked! And the way she butted herself around the pot – oh man, that’s good.”

“I told you to get out! Why are you here??”

“Relax, doc.” Joseph propped himself to a sitting position and looked back at him. “It’s just – ooh, berries!”

Faster than what Earl though he could do, Joseph swiped a handful of blueberries and gulped it all down. He licked his mouth with satisfaction and reached out to grab another handful. That's when Earl's hand slammed onto his wrist.

“No one,” Earl growled, seething with anger, “touch my berries.”

Earl snatched Joseph to his feet and dragged him off, ignoring Joseph’s pained grunts. Joseph tried to pull free, but Earl’s hand kept digging into his arm, getting stronger by the second. A string of jumbled curses and aggressive thoughts flood Earl’s mind. Keep your hands of your knife, keep your hands of your kni-

And the thing he feared most happened. Joseph tripped and fell onto the carpet, moving it to reveal a trap door. Both men froze and stared at the trap door, one with confusion while the other with utter terror. Before the former man could react, Earl lunged onto Joseph and pulled out his knife. He trapped him with his entire body weight and pinned the knife onto his throat.

“Don’t,” Earl hissed akin to a snake, “ever talk to anyone about this. There’s nothing down there.”

When Joseph didn’t respond, Earl pressed the knife even harder on his skin, threatening to tear it open.

Joseph gulped down, “I... won’t talk.”

“Good.”

 

Earl released him and got back on his feet. Joseph quickly scrambled away from him and rubbed his neck in panic. When he noticed Earl glaring at him, he stood and rushed to the front door, stumbling and tripping at times. Only then did he stop to catch a breath while eyeing Earl with caution.

“Y’know doc,” Joseph said within breaths, “I didn’t just found out about this.”

Earl shifted. “What do you mean...?”

Joseph chuckled, then he started laughing. He’s laughing so hard that tears started rolling down his eyes. His laugh did nothing but make Earl’s blood boil, though.

“Stop laughing!” He barked at him. “Stop that! What did you mean by that?!”

Joseph coughed and hacked, trying to stop his tide of laughter. He then grinned at Earl, an annoying, annoying grin that Earl wanted to tear straight out of his face. A little voice in his head whispered why not now? but the rational part of his brain told him to stay in place. He needed to stay calm.

“Serial killers are immune, ‘doc’, everyone knows that.”

“And?”

Joseph gave a cheshire cat smile and said, “who did you think attacked you last month, doc? I’ll give you a hint : it’s not the vigilante.”

Blood drained from Earl’s face. If he’s not the vigilante, that means...

Joseph smirked and whispered in a playful tone, “the mafia knows, ‘doctor’.”

He then disappeared into the night, leaving Earl with a knife gripped in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joseph is Dead(tm).
> 
> Idk what Vinny stands for, but Ellis definitely named her.


	2. Party set-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TP Lesbians Set Up A Party. Prompt by Pyro from the discord server.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because we all need some actual fluff in our lives.

Cecilia was never so close with her step-sister, Theresia. After all, their parents got married 5 years ago, well after Cecilia was a legal adult. Cecilia wasn’t even present on the wedding. She was busy on an apprenticeship in Tambusi, a thriving port city. She later met her for the first time 2 years later, when she returned to Salem.

 

Didn’t stop Cecilia from throwing her a birthday party, though.

 

Dae-eun arrived to help with dozens of whiskey bottles. Which prompted panic from Cecilia.

 

“You can’t have that many alcohol!” Cecilia screeched, earning a laugh from Dae-eun. “It’s a birthday party, not an orgy!”

 

“Relax,” Dae-eun drawled out. “No one’s fucking each other on my watch. Besides, she’s 21! An adult! Hon, you were out of town already on that age.”

 

“I’m sure that 3 dozen whiskey bottles is enough to kill everyone, Dae. We can’t-”

 

“Look.” Dae-eun put both of her hands on Cecilia’s shoulders. “We’re all adults here. We keep tabs. We have a medic in house too, am I right?”

 

“Yeah...”

 

“Now let’s set up this place.” She looked around Cecilia’s house. “A young woman doesn’t deserve such a sappy atmosphere.”

 

The two got to work setting up the place. Moving the furnitures to specific places, setting up the food and decorations... Cecilia caught Dae-eun trying to take a swing but Cecilia dashed to stop her. Later that day, Peter and Deirdre arrived with a modestly-sized birthday cake. The first thing they noticed of course, was the many bottles of whiskey.

 

“Are you sure you’re not trying to kill someone? Because that much alcohol will do the job,” Peter said with an amused look. Deirdre snorted next to him.

 

Cecilia let out an exasperated sigh as Dae-eun snickered in the background. “It’s Dae’s idea... Apparently the day you turn 21, you should get absolutely hammered.”

 

“She needs the full Park experience!” Came the response.

 

“Well, Miss Park.” Peter peeked over Cecilia’s shoulders and winked at Dae-eun. “While I don’t know if you’re being responsible, I won’t reject some good ol’ rye!”

 

Dae-eun laughed. “Duly noted, Mr. Andrews.”

 

Cecilia watched as Deirdre and Peter set up the cake on the spot she pointed to. The cake is delicious chocolate one, Theresia’s favorite. After setting up the cake, Cecilia showed the two around. While Peter kept commenting on the decor though, Deirdre remained silent. Nearing the end of the tour though, she finally said a word.

 

“I wish I remember my birthday...” Deirdre muttered.

 

The other two halted for a few moments, not even knowing what to say. Then Cecilia spoke up.

 

“We can always arrange a birthday for you! You’ll get to pick a date!” Cecilia cheered. 

 

Deirdre smiled. “Thanks, doc.”

 

Peter and Deirdre later left to get dressed for the party. They’re not particularly close to Theresia either, but no party goes without Peter. He insisted on inviting Deirdre, saying that it would be good for the amnesiac. The payment in the form of cake was good enough anyway.

 

Dae-eun was in charge of checking the guest list when she noticed something. 

 

“Hold up- Deschamps?” Dae-eun turned to Cecilia with an incredulous look on her face. “You gotta be kidding me.”

 

Cecilia shrugged. “She’s close friends with Theresia.”

 

“You have to tell the lady that she chose wrong,” Dae-eun uttered matter-of-factly. “Deschamps plus drunk people equals disaster.”

 

“That’s why,” Cecilia grinned, “Don’t bring so much alcohol!”

 

Cecilia jumped from a stool and latched herself on Dae-eun’s back, squealing. Usually, Dae-eun was perfectly capable of catching him. She was not expecting it though, so her knees gave out. The two stumbled to the floor with a yelp, Cecilia laying above Dae-eun. After a few seconds of silence, they started laughing.

 

“Remind me,” Dae-eun said between laughs. “Why am I enganged to you again?”

 

“My looks, my personality, and my girlish charms?” Cecilia replied, giggling.

 

Dae-eun turned around and caressed Cecilia’s face. She then brought her face to hers, cherishing each other’s presence. Dae-eun smelled the familiar scent of lilac from Cecilia’s dress. The same scent she always had since they first met. When they separated, Cecilia seemed to be in some sort of daze. She then got up and helped Dae-eun followed suit.

 

“Well,” Cecilia tucked part of her fringe behind her ear, blushing and averting her eyes, “Should we get back to work?”

 

Dae-eun loved that. She always loved that adorable of her. 

 

“Of course, sweetie.”


	3. Inspired by that screwed up IKEA chair on Tumblr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title describes it. Also I love skarso. Thanks, Dae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling productive ok

“Say whatever you want Earl, but that is NOT how chairs work.”

Earl looked up to Ellis from his spot on the floor. A chair stood in front of him. There’s only one problem. The chair had six legs. Four where you would expect them to be at, and two behind the back of the chair. Earl creased his eyebrows. 

“But this is genius carpentry, Ellis! See this way, when you fell-” Earl tipped the chair to its back, the extra legs holding it up- “You won’t fall! Genius!

Ellis rolled his eyes. He was definitely not paid enough to deal Earl’s shenanigans.

“The chair won’t fall, but you WILL fall!” Ellis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’ll bring this to someone who actually can put together a chair okay? Maybe Peter...”

“Peter again?!” Earl rose to his full height. Even then, he’s still several inches shorter than his boyfriend.

“He can do a lot of things, Earl!”

“I can do a lot of things too! I’m a doctor!”

“A doctor, not a carpenter!”

“Peter is not a carpenter either! He’s just an old man with way too many time on his hands!”

Earl huffed and sat on his odd chair with his arms crossed. Ellis resisted the urge to face palm. Each time he brought up Peter, Earl seemed to switch to Murder Mode. But Ellis had to prove to Earl that the chair was not safe. Now, before he got a chance to hurt himself in the day.

In the day...

Ellis dashed to Earl and his chair, catching him off-guard. Ellis grabbed the chair’s back and pushed it. Earl screamed as his glasses went flying from his face. The chair’s extra legs caught its fall alright, but Earl bounced off the chair and hit the floor face first. 

Earl groaned in pain. Ellis inspected him as he shuffled on the floor. As expected, his night immunity protected him from any wound. Didn’t stop the pain though.

“See? Not safe at all.”

Something dangerous glinted in those green eyes. Earl propped himself up using a nearby table, staring at Ellis with a dark glare the entire time. If glares could kill, if Ellis was anyone else, he would’ve ran away. Ellis had his own advantage though.

“You. Fucking. Bastard,” Earl said through ragged breathing. “I’ll cut you open!”

Ellis scoffed and crossed his arms. “Go ahead. Try it.”

Without warning, Earl snatched a knife from the table and flung it towards Ellis. He dodged it, but Earl pulled another one that was sticking from the table and charged. Ellis didn’t even try to dodge this time. He didn’t really have to.

DINK.

Ellis laughed and pulled the knife from Earl’s hand. Earl was confused, then Ellis shifted and showed him the ‘wound’. His shirt and vest were torn alright, but nothing he couldn’t fix. His skin remained unharmed though.

“....Oh.”

“Night immunity, bitch,” Ellis snickered.

Earl groaned and slammed his hands on the table. Ellis threw the knife away and approached him. He put his arms around Earl’s torso and snuggled up to him. Earl made grumbling noises, but didn’t try to move away.

“That could’ve broken my nose, you know.”

Ellis leaned into the hug. “But it didn’t.”

Earl sighed. “You’re right.”

The two stayed that way for a few more moments, enjoying each other’s presence. Then the door slammed open, making them jump away from each other. The edge of the table jabbed into Earl’s guts, making him yelp and kneel in pain.

“I’m sorry but you weren’t answering the door,” the sheriff said, tipping his cowboy hat.

“Adrian- you- ” Earl managed to wheeze out in pain. Ellis contemplated helping, then he figured he would recover soon. He then addressed Adrian.

“What can I help you with?”

Adrian kept staring at Earl, still on the floor, before snapping his attention to Ellis. “Ah, well...”

“Spill it, you-” 

“Shush, Earl.”

“Well,” Adrian cleared his throat. “The neighbors reported yelling and death threats. Are you two... okay?”

Ah. He must’ve spotted the knives.

“Everything’s fine, sheriff. It was just a little domestic matter,” Ellis replied with a smile, ignored. Behind him, Earl slammed his fist on the table while cursing Adrian. Ellis ignored him.

“You sure? Cuz he...” Adrian gestured at Earl, who managed to sat on his odd chair again.

“You did this, you nosy fuck. Now go away before I kill you myself,” Earl threatened.

Adrian gulped and nodded, tipping his hat once more. “Well, I’ll be on my way then.”

Ellis watched him as he stumbled out of the door. Before it closed, he heard him said, “Nice chair, Melrose!”

“...He was being sarcastic, wasn’t he?”

Ellis chuckled and turned to Earl. “Yep.”

Earl grumbled. “I’m going to kill him.”

“I won’t stop you,” Ellis muttered. He walked to Earl’s kitchen, petting a sleeping Vinny on the way. Vinny mewled and turned in her sleep. 

“Hey! Where are you going?!” Earl shouted from the living room.

“Making tea!” Ellis shouted back.

Ellis prepared a pot of tea and pulled out two cups. He put them on a tray and looked for any snacks, only to find none. He really need to start stocking cookies in Earl’s house. Ellis put some honey and sugar on the tray as well picked it up. He brought it to the living room, where Earl was still sitting on his odd chair.

“Let’s have some tea,” Ellis said as he laid up the cups, pot, and sweeteners on the table, “and chill for the day.”

Earl reached to pour some tea for himself as Ellis went to grab some knitting supplies. He put a generous amount of honey in it and took a sip. Earl sighed, the sweet taste flooding his senses. This... This was nice.


	4. Eggloween with skarso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween is here, and discord is having an eggpocalypse. Of course, skarso is my go-to pick.

“Earl.”

“Ellis.”

Ellis had always wondered if there’s a point where he would stop tolerating Earl’s shenanigans. It appeared that he finally reached it.

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

“Oh, this?” Earl gestured at his entire body with an innocent look. “Just a little something I wanted to try out.”

Ellis pinched his nose’s bridge and sighed. “Earl, you are an egg.”

Silence.

“Yes.”

Ellis wanted to smack that cheshire-cat grin off his face in an instant.

“Okay, playtime’s over. You look ridiculous. Get that off.”

Ellis snatched at the ridiculous egg costume. Where the hell did he get it from anyway?? As far as he knew no one sold this kinds of clothing. Maybe the Simmons... Ellis contemplated burning down their house. Meanwhile, Earl hissed and scratched at him like a cat. The real cat watched them from the couch with intent.

“Earl- Stop that!”

“Nooooo!!!” Earl slammed himself at Ellis, the sheer size of the costume knocking both of them to the floor.

Ellis lost sight of Earl and when his surroundings cleared again, he quickly moved onto his feet.

“Earl Melrose where the fuck-”

He stopped at the sight before his eyes. In that moment, Ellis questioned the existence of god. The egg costume had prevented Earl from getting up again, so he chose another method to escape.

Rolling himself away from Ellis.

“For-” 

_roll_

“The-” 

_roll_

“Spirit-”

_roll_

“Of-” 

_roll_

“Halloweeeeeen!!”

God was either not real or had abandoned them.

“Earl, if this is some kind of kink, you could just say so,” Ellis half-joked.

“Kink?!” Earl stopped rolling and looked at Ellis with an incredulous look on his face. “You offend me!”

“Take it off then, you big-”

“If I am to have a kink,” Earl interjected, suddenly thoughtful. “It would be blueberries.”

How did Ellis’s life came to this, again?

“I was joking!”

“I am too!” Earl cried out. Then he paused. “Though I wouldn’t mind if you were to-”

“No. Stop that line of thought.” 

Ellis approached Earl and started rolling him in a different direction. In the background, Vinny yowled.

“Ellis what the-” Earl tried stopping his movement by grabbing to a table’s leg but Ellis kicked his egg suit, rolling him away.

“Look- El- I’m getting dizzy,” Earl said in an attempt to get him to stop rolling him.

“You egged yourself, now face the consequences.” Ellis rolled him all the way to his balcony and let him dangle on the edge, face facing outside.

“Whoa- oh.” Ellis couldn’t see his face, but there’s a slight hint of horror on Earl’s voice. “El, please no?”

“Too bad, Earl. Vinny is staying with me, but you can enjoy my yard!” Ellis smiled. “Good night!”

Ellis kicked Earl and his egg suit from the balcony. Earl screamed and boink! 

Turns out the egg suit was bouncy. Even if he didn’t have night immunity he wouldn’t be hurt.

The Porters’s front door slammed open at that moment, revealing an angry-looking Sophia. She yelled at Ellis from across the street.

“Can you shut the fuck up, Armitage?!”

Ellis grinned. “Sorry!”

Sophia returned inside, grumbling the entire time. Ellis peeked at Earl below him. Seeing him still disoriented but otherwise not hurt, Ellis clapped his hands together.

“Well, time for bed. Vinny!” Ellis called to the cat. Vinny meowed and approached Ellis, rubbing against his leg.

“Let’s sleep.” Ellis picked up Vinny and went to his bedroom. He would retrieve Earl in the morning, provided he hadn’t rolled into the streets by then.


	5. Sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently recovering from an angsty story I wrote so have at ya

Earl was throwing knife after knife from the couch when something glomped over him.

His first reaction? Screech, flail, and fell off the couch.

He hit the ground with a resounding thud. As he laid there groaning, he could vaguely hear someone chuckling. Ohhh fucker gonna pay for this.

Earl grabbed the something – probably cloth – and was about to fling it across the room when Ellis’s voice cut through.

“Don’t you _dare_ ruin that sweater. I spent the last two weeks knitting that for you.”

Earl hopped to his feet to found his boyfriend standing before him, a small smile on his face. He took a good look on the item he’s holding. It was, indeed, a bluish purple sweater made out of wool. 

“Woah.”

“You’re welcome.”

Earl looked at Ellis with an astonished look. “You knitted this for me??”

“I’m a knitter, Earl. It’s just natural that I make something for my beloved.” Ellis walked up to Earl, who was busy putting on the sweater.

“This is fucking amazing,” Earl beamed with excitement. Ellis smiled a gentle smile and out his arms around him and kissed his forehead.

“Look. I’m definitely one-upping this,” Earl said as he wrapped his arms back.

Ellis chuckled. “Keep dreaming, Melrose.”

“Also, why the blueberries pattern?” Earl asked.

“Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing you love more than me.”

Earl pulled back from the hug and made an exaggerated offended gesture. “You pain me my dear! How dare you doubt my love!”

“Now why would I do that?” Ellis pulled him back into the hug and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "We both know we never have to do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I add "tooth-rotting fluff" to the tags because that's what these shorts seems to be


	6. Vinegar the cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title speaks for itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is me compensating for 'what came before'

_Where’s the vinegar, where’s the vinegar, where did I put the vinegar-_

“-and that’s how I got this cat!”

Ellis froze and turned to his boyfriend, who was holding a calico cat, looking very satisfied.

“...What?” 

“You heard me!” Earl cooed at the cat, who playfully swiped at his face. “I have a cat now!”

“Earl, I love you, but you can barely take care of yourself, let alone a _cat._ ”

Earl stuck his tongue out. Ellis rolled his eyes and turned back to the kitchen drawer, once again muttering to himself. _Where did I put that goddamn vinegar??_

“What should I name her?”

“Vinny, I don’t know,” Ellis muttered off-handedly.

“Vinny...” Earl considered. “That’s a good name! Where did you get it?”

_Vinegar, his mind helpfully supplied._

Shut up.

“Uhh... Vinzel. That’s the name of a side-protagonist in a novel I read.”

That was too obvious. Fingers crossed now.

“Nice. Vinny, what do you think?” The cat meowed. “Great! She loves it!”

And that’s how Ellis had to live the rest of life knowing that his boyfriend’s cat’s name was Vinegar.


	7. Outdoctor a doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set sometime before Fire, Meet Knife. This is basically Stephen WIllow the idiot, why Earl killed him, and Andressa who very much needed rest.

“So, to conclude,” Earl put down the papers in his hands,” we can’t let you out. Not until tomorrow.”

“...Why not? I’m perfectly fine.”

Earl sighed, pinching his nose. “No, Willow, you’re _not_ fine. You got internal bleeding.”

“But that’s the point!” Stephen Willow raised both of his hands. “You said the bleeding’s internal! That’s where the blood is supposed to be!”

Beat.

“Do you want me to make it external?” Earl gritted out.

“Well, I-”

“Okay, time out!” Andressa dragged Earl out of the room, much to his complains. Once they’re outside, Andressa sighed and massaged her forehead.

“Look, he started it-”

“I don’t want to heard that, Melrose.”

“Oh, we’re going by surnames now, huh?”

“Earl.” Andressa put her hands on Earl’s shoulders. “We’re friends. No one in this hospital likes the Willows. Cecilia can be annoying when it comes to the Hippocratic Oath. But I’m not going to let you stab a patient.”

Earl grumbled something along the lines of “you’re no fun.”

“You’re going to finish telling him about his condition and get the fuck out of there, okay? No. One. Is. Getting. Stabbed.”

She jabbed her finger on Earl’s chest with the last five words, accentuating her words.

After a few moments of staring contest, Earl relented. “Fine.”

He turned around and returned to the room where Stephen Willow was laying with broken ribs. Andressa sighed with relief. Maybe this afternoon wouldn’t end too badly.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU’RE PULLING OUT YOUR RIBS???”

Ahhh, she jinxed it.

Andressa spotted one of the nurses wandering around, so she snapped her fingers to get his attention.

“Hey, you!” The nurse turned to her. “Yeah, you.”

Andressa put her hair up in a ponytail. “Tell Cecilia to get prepared. We might have a surgery on our hands here.” 

Behind her, Earl and Stephen were screaming at each other. She continued, “and tell Huang to make me coffee. With Vodka. I’m going to need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andressa is one of the three doctors in the Hospital of Salem. The other two is The doctor and the serial killer. So *now* you   
> may understand why she needs coffee with vodka.


	8. That story where Mira is horrible at writing romance oh who am I kidding I'm always bad at it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-relationship skarso ayy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look this was written in 30 minutes and just an excuse for me to ignore schoolwork SO

“Hey, Armitage.”

Ellis looked up from the pile of books on his living room to the serial killer lying lazily on his couch. It had only been a month since they first met – under rather unfortunate conditions, he might add – but the two had been as close as old friends. This was the third time Earl stayed in his house, and surprisingly, Ellis didn’t mind.

“What is it?” Ellis stood up from his previous position on the floor. “Do you want to request more pies?”

“Nah.” Earl twirled a pocket knife in his hand. “I mean, pie’s good, especially yours but...”

Earl turned to him. “Do you know that I love you, Armitage?” 

Ellis must’ve heard that wrong. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I love you, Ellis Armitage. Like, I-wanna-date-you love.”

Ellis pushed his glasses against his nose, a constant nervous quirk he had. Shit, how did he respond to this?? There’s no book titled “How To React To A Serial Killer Falling In Love With You.”

“A horrible decision, really,” he answered.

Real smart, Ellis. Real smart.

“Eh, I think I’m way past horrible decisions now.” Earl sat up straight on the couch. “I’m a serial killer, for fuck’s sake!”

“Language,” Ellis muttered. He navigated the pile of books and headed towards the couch. Now that he’s standing before him, Earl seemed really, really adorable.

He didn’t look like someone who killed for fun at all.

“Were you telling the truth, hm?” Ellis loomed over Earl. “How do I know that you were not trying to fool me?”

Earl snickered. “C’mon now, what benefits came from lying about _that?_ ”

He’s not wrong...

“I am 100% in love with you, Armitage. I never felt this way towards anyone else.” Earl took one of Ellis’ hands with his. “I’m not lying. I swear.”

Ellis was at a surprising loss of words, so he acted without thinking. 

He brought his free hand to Earl’s face and brought it closer to his. Ellis jammed his eyes shut and let their lips met. When Earl didn’t try to push back, he used that hand to caress Earl’s hair.

It’s surprisingly soft...

They stayed that way for a while. The kiss was a tender one, nothing more than a declaration of love between the two of them. After sometime, maybe a few seconds, maybe a couple years, Ellis let go. He slowly opened his eyes to find Earl blinking madly, as if dust just got into his eyes.

Ellis tightened his grip around Earl’s hand. Still in a daze, he gave Earl another chaste kiss.

“I love you, Earl Melrose,” he whispered.

Earl smiled, and Ellis knew he’s going to keep falling in love with that smile for the rest of his life.

“I know.”


	9. Coffee and Redbull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I wrote nearly 800 words in fifteen minutes and established an alternate universe for the sake of a crack skarso.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skarso is a moodbooster fight me

Test week was in a matter of days and no one, not even his own mother, had heard a single peep from Earl during the last two days. Andressa told Ellis that she tried to visit, but no one answered when she knocked on the door. As the good boyfriend he was, Ellis decided to pay him a visit. Good thing he had a spare key, in case he didn’t answer the door.

As soon as he entered the small apartment, the smell of melting plastic was apparent.

“Earl, what the hell??”

The other man didn’t answer, instead staying in his weird chair on the small dining table. He gave off a calm impression, aside from his unruly hair and wide, unfocused green eyes that stared blankly to the microwave. Books were scattered on the table and on the floor, and Ellis could barely read the titles. All medical related books. 

The microwave was turned on, seemingly the source of the smell of plastic. Vinny the cat laid on the couch, carefully eyeing her owner as her tail waved to the rhythm of the clock. A packet of blueberries laid on the table. The blinds were shut, yet there’s only one turned on lamp. The coffee maker chugged, empty cans of redbull strewn around it. Oh. Oh no.

“Earl.” Ellis moved to his boyfriend, shaking him out of trance. “Earl, who taught you that redbull and coffee is a healthy mixture?!”

Earl’s eyes remained unfocused. “‘m making food.”

“ _Food?_ Earl Melrose, I’m not a medical student but I _know_ that you are an inch away from death. How many have you drank??”

“Ten, maybe eleven?”

”Oh my god.” Ellis had to wonder how he hadn’t got a heart attack yet. “Did Jason told you to mix redbull and coffee?”

“And meth.”

“And meth- Okay. You’re sleeping now.” Ellis would get a serious talk with Jason about health after this. How did he got accepted to medical school, again?

“No.” Earl’s eyes glazed over the microwave. “I’m making food.”

“Food is good, but-”

“Food is good. Amen.” Earl gave him a solemn nod as the microwave began beeping. Vinny began hissing at it, making Earl said, “turn it off. The microwave is her nemesis.”

Okay, Ellis dropped Earl to his seat and went over to the microwave to turn it off. What’s inside of it, though, made him jump.

“Earl!” Ellis half-shrieked. “What the fuck?!”

“Lobster is good for health.”

“This is _plastic_! You were microwaving a plastic lobster! With blueberries!”

“Nah.” Earl slumped forward, collapsing to the floor on top of his books. “A lobster’s a lobster. Healthy.”

“It’s not!”

“Heaaalthyyy. Especially blueeeberries,” Earl drawled out from the floor. He began dragging himself towards Ellis, closing the short distance in a few moments.

“Gimme lobster.”

“No.”

“Loooobsteeer.”

“I said no.” Ellis grabbed Earl’s torso and dragged him to his bedroom, much to his protests. He then proceeded to throw him on his bed, making him roll before hitting the wall. 

“Bad Ellis,” Earl mumbled, trying to get up. “Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad-”

“Bad Earl,” Ellis retorted. He pushed him down again, grabbing the nearby blanket and cocooned him in it. 

The bed’s allure was too strong. Earl’s movement slowed, drowsiness settling in. He continued his spiel of _bad bad bad bad bad bad bad_ though.

Vinny walked in on the right moment. The cat hissed as Ellis grabbed her from the floor and dropped her on Earl’s face, earning him a yelp and an annoyed cat.

“Fur!” Earl shrieked, flailing under his blanket. Vinny yowled angrily. “FUR FUR! Fur’s attacking! El, save yourself! I’m so dead you have to run before the fur attack you- mmph!”

Vinny scrambled away from Earl’s face, kicking him in the mouth in the process. Earl coughed out a few stray furs as the cat tried to jump off the bed, but Ellis picked her up again and dropped her on Earl’s blanket-bound body.

Thankfully, she seemed to consider the spot comfortable, as she quickly nestled comfortably on top of it. Earl stopped struggling, surrendering his body to the supreme overlord of purring mass of calico fur.

“Sleep, Earl.” Ellis muttered, kneeling next to the bed to kiss him on the forehead.

“Ugh, sleep. You’re lucky I love you,” Ellis heard him mumble before Earl lapsed into unconsciousness.

He actually looked adorable when asleep. Ellis kissed him once again before standing up. Earl _really_ needed his sleep, Ellis decided. He’ll knock him out with a baseball bat if he woke up during the next three hours.

Damage control was done. Now it’s time for cleanup.


End file.
